White Blank Page
by indigowaterbears
Summary: Almost by chance Derek finds out about Amelia being in the hospital and goes down to LA to find that she's lost her baby. From there Amelia's life entirely changes as she accepts her brother's comfort and support, turning her entire world upside down. Sequel to "Strangers".
1. Let the Bad Times Roll

_This is officially my third on going multi chapter, because I apparently hate myself. I have sort of already hinted that I might be posting this so long as a few months ago and finally I feel it's steady enough to be out for everyone to read. This little one (not so little, though) is a sort of sequel to my au one shot strangers, which I wrote and posted before the summer. This follows Amelia in her life after that._

 _1) the titles of the chapters refer to the titles of the episodes, as this is basically a rewrite of the show, with another perspective and some differences, I won't actually rewrite the whole episode, because that's just pointless._

 _2) dear omelia shippers that will taunt me if I don't explain this better, this won't be omelia, at least not for a while. In fact, it follows canon as much as I can, therefore Owen will be with Cristina and not resentfully so, I want to explore the character, not bend what's happened to my will. So, to clarify, for now it's going to be one hundred percent crowen. Again that won't be the entire center of the story obviously, but everything going on between Owen and Amelia at the moment will be friendship._

 _3) my focus is amelia and thus she will develop some really surprising relationships along the (already written) way. Amelia is the focus, not Amelia and Owen._

 _This chapter picks up during 8x22 of grey's anatomy, which I imagine being at the same time, more or less, of private practice 5x22. Next chapter will be the only one to have a private practice title, from then on it will be entirely grey's._

 _I know this is probably very confusing, but I don't want to give away too much and I'd rather answer a million questions later then ruin the surprise. I have been working on this monster since the summer and as always I'd love a little feedback, even to know it sucks._

 _p.s._ _this is an amelialess chapter, just because the original version of this chapter, which turned into about a dozen k words, had to be split, thus you get this and an amelia centric chapter next time._

* * *

 **Let the Bad Times Roll**

Owen was well aware that his face was saying what everyone was whispering behind his back. What everyone was likely missing, though, was the rest of the iceberg floating on his chest, making it so, so hard to breath in and out. Cristina was mad at him, she was disappointed and mad and she had every right to be, he had been the one to break them. Regardless of how he felt about her and the abortion what he had done was inexcusable and she'd understandably sort of broken up with him. Actually, he wasn't sure. They hadn't said two words to each other for a while and it didn't take a genius to know where their marriage was headed. He stared at her through the van window for a little longer than he probably should have, hoping against hope that she would turn around, maybe glare at him, maybe smile – hell, he'd even go for the neutral, apathic look she'd been giving him in the last few days. Anything at all. Before it was too late.

He was losing her and there was not one thing he could do to fix that. The dread, that annoying panicky feeling had not settled until she'd started studying for her boards. She was there, she was always there, even when they separated, even when she moved out of the firehouse she was still there at the hospital every single day. Taking her board – and passing, it was Cristina Yang after all – meant all the big hospitals would start hounding her to have her in their program the following year. Programs that where only a dream to most surgeons. Programs that didn't come with him as the Chief of Surgery. Seattle was competitive and he knew she loved working with Teddy, but the sick feeling in his gut told him that wasn't nearly enough to make up for the fact that she would have to see him every single day. Watching the van drive away felt a little bit like losing her forever, if he was mean and egotistical he'd hope for a reason, any reason, for her not to take the boards or fail or be exonerated, he'd hope for a catastrophe that would stop her from ever reaching San Francisco. Owen, however, loved her to the point it physically hurt him to see her go, because in his heart he knew she was going to pass and impress and maybe get even more offers, which made Seattle look like pizza making school.

Glancing around briefly he caught Bailey's eye and he knew she knew. Sure Bailey was Bailey and always knew everything, but she did know. She smiled, gave him a mom smile, the kind of smile that means 'even if you screwed everything up, I still love you'. She'd surprised him when she'd comforted him a few weeks ago, Owen had been positively taken aback, such words coming from someone who wasn't exactly his number one fan, yet she'd hit the nail right on the head. Amelia Shepherd came to his mind all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere. She'd made him feel better too, not about Cristina specifically, but about making such a huge mistake and feeling awful about it. She was an interesting individual for sure. Owen scowled himself for a moment for forgetting about her when he'd made a point to call or something like that, she didn't seem to have that many people and he knew that feeling all too well. But he knew why he'd so conveniently forgotten. It was selective memory, she was going through hell and he was in no shape to be there for her the way she needed, even for a ten minute phone call, so he'd discarded that thought from his mind, just as fast as it had come.

Walking in, though, he found Arizona Robbins, staring off into space looking about as dejected and nostalgic as he was. "Hey, everything okay?"

She turned abruptly, a little disoriented at being pulled out of her daydream so harshly. "Uh, yeah it's just, uh, I think I'm going to lose that preemie."

Owen frowned, taking a few seconds to connect the dots. "The intern's preemie."

Arizona just nodded. "I tried everything, he's just not strong enough. He's really sick even if he did make it he would live a short painful life. It's sad."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, but we can't save them all."

She took a deep breath and gave a quick nod. "I know, but this one… Alex put so much time and effort into it and now he's not focusing on the boards because of him and I need Alex to pass, I really, really need something to turn out right at the moment."

Owen smile sympathetically, finally understanding her mood better. "I think we underestimate Karev. A lot. I'm the first one to do it, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't have to worry about him."

"Thanks." She smiled, a brighter, broader smile, one that looked more like her usual million watt smiles. "You know Cristina will do good too."

He sighed. "I do know that."

Silence fell between the two, Arizona wasn't entirely sure if she'd gone too far or if he was just being overly sentimental and Owen, frankly, had no idea what to add. In a way the hospital felt a little emptier without all their fifth year residents, not that he ever thought they would actually miss them – the ones of course he wasn't married to. Before the silence went from natural and cautious to awkward Arizona's phone beeped and she promptly took it out. Owen was shifting uncomfortably on his own two feet unsure whether he should leave or just-

"Crap." She looked up and saw the questioning look on Owen's face. "Callie called her friend, Doctor Montgomery for my preemie, she is like the best neonatal surgeon ever and she can't come, I mean what could be more important than trying to save this tiny little life…" her phone beeped again and her face fell. "Oh."

Not that he wasn't interested, but Owen had a lot on his plate at the moment and this wasn't really his priority. When Arizona's baby blue eyes looked up at him, though, his eyebrows rose silently asking her to expand on that _oh._

"Apparently one of her really close friends down there went into labor and she needs to stay because the baby needs surgery. Now I feel like an idiot. My baby likely has no chance anyway. God, I hate this day." She cleared her throat and nodded briefly at Owen, who was too deep in thought to eve notice her waiting for any kind of a reply before walking away.

The words had gone past him like a rush of wind, he was still thinking about Cristina and how tomorrow would finally give her a good reason to leave Seattle behind along with him. It wasn't until Arizona was almost out of his sight that he finally felt what just happened hit him in full force. Addison's friend was Amelia. It had to be Amelia. Amelia who was going to give birth to a baby with no brain and no future. He remembered their conversation briefly and he felt sick to his stomach at the thought that even for a second he'd been jealous of her. He wasn't losing Cristina today, he lost her a while before today and, while Amelia did know about her baby's condition, today would be a little different for her. Her boyfriend died and now her baby was going to die and Owen cursed her all the way down to California for making him promise not to tell Derek. Because if he was in her shoes he would push everyone away, but with a clear mind he knew he'd want them around when the pieces would start to fall apart, when the cracks would deepen and the stinging ache in his chest would just numb him entirely. He wished she'd told Derek. Or her mom.

Because he was a chicken. Not that he could just up and leave the hospital of his own volition, but he could call or send a card or flowers or something else she really wouldn't care about apart from appreciating the thought. He started walking down the hall to his office wondering how he'd become this person. Nearly four years before, when he'd returned from his last tour of active duty, he had been a radically different person. He was a quick, hands on, no nonsense kind of surgeon and now he was a mess. Between PTSD and Cristina he felt different, perhaps emptier in a way, as if there was not much more he could give, he was done. Owen closed the door of his office behind his back allowing himself to take a deep breath in the only square foot invisible from the windows on the walls. Maybe he shouldn't get involved in Amelia's business, not when there was the risk of making an even bigger mess of things. It took sitting down at the modest desk against the wall to realize that thinking about Amelia had effectively taken his mind off Cristina and the impending doom of their marriage. He felt a kinship with her that was unlike anything he'd ever felt. She understood him, or rather, she understood the way he felt and why, without judging and without telling him he should try and change that. There was a sense of resignation that came with that, of finality, he'd done what he'd done, made his mistake and that was it.

Owen had his heart set on fixing things with Cristina, right this moment he was willing to do just about everything she'd ask. She was the love of his life. His soulmate and he couldn't imagine a life without her. Ever. He'd screwed up, badly, and he couldn't help but think that maybe he'd done it on purpose. Sleeping with another woman. There was a good chance he'd intentionally hurt Cristina to make her understand just how much he was hurting. It didn't sound any better and it certainly didn't make him feel any better, nor it would anyone, Cristina in particular. It just made sense, it was the only logical explanation for what he'd done. Not that it actually fixed anything. This, though, was fixable. It could be fixed, it would be hard and it would require him and Cristina both working for it, but there was a chance it could be fixed. Amelia's problem wasn't a problem, it was a nightmare. As awful as he felt in rejoicing his life was – even marginally – better, Owen was relieved.

A tight fit gripped his chest forcefully, making it difficult and painful to breathe. There was a debate inside him, not one that involved Cristina, for once and it felt quite easier to think about something, when the rest of his life wasn't at stake. He wouldn't consider Amelia a friend, an acquaintance maybe, but it wasn't even that. Amelia was Derek's sister and with Meredith and Cristina's disturbingly confusing bond he felt as though she was part of this dysfunctional, extended family. In a way, that would explain the need he felt to protect her, why from the second he'd found out about what she'd been going through he'd wanted to take her back with him to try and do everything in his power to make things better for her. She was carrying the terminally ill baby of her dead boyfriend – or was it her husband? Maybe just her fiancé, Owen couldn't really remember, that had been a part of the conversation he hadn't particularly focused on. In any case, no matter how much he thought about it, there was really nothing that could even begin to compare to making her feel better.

Owen jumped about a foot into the air, when the door of his office, the one he'd dutifully closed, swung open. Derek walked in carrying Zola. "Owen, I have been looking everywhere for you!" Owen frowned and waited for him to go on, but Zola picked that moment to start crying. Derek turned her into his arms, tucking her snugly against him, running a calming hand on her back. "Zola's sick and they can't keep her in daycare and Meredith is gone and I need to take her home."

Owen still didn't get how this was his problem. "Okay, Derek I'm not your mother, you don't need to inform me of your every move."

"Owen," Derek looked at him, halfway between irritated and dejected. "I'm going to be home with Zola today. At least. I left Lexie to do research. You should call Nelson in or whoever you can find."

This was great. Amazing. Perfect. Exactly what Owen needed today. replacing Derek Shepherd on a moment's notice wasn't as easy as he was making it out to be. Now he could hate today and he could hate his job. "Isn't there anyone that can watch her? Don't you have a nanny or a sitter?"

"No, we don't. She's never been sick and we never talked about it, it's generally Lexie that keeps and eye on her, but she's working now." Derek said shrugging his shoulders. "Come on, you're the boss you can call people in. I didn't even have anything scheduled."

Technically, he could. He was the chief and that gave him the power to do just about anything around the hospital. This, though, was not the day for that. Owen didn't have it in him to call and fight and insist and be forceful – if necessary – making someone come in on their day off. Surely, he couldn't have an hospital without a neurosurgeon, regardless of scheduled surgeries or patients, they had an ER and it would be incredibly irresponsible not to have someone on call, at the very least. "Fine, go. Tomorrow is your day off, so just… take care of her."

Derek nodded, smiling lovingly at the baby dozing on his shoulder. Owen was jealous and happy for him all at the same time. He and Meredith had fought so hard for Zola and Owen couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like to finally have her with them. Maybe she and his baby would have been friends, after all they were Meredith and Cristina's kids, it was almost imperative that they'd be friends. Cousins almost. Though, with all his sister Zola was bound to have enough cousins. Owen felt like slapping the back of his head. Zola had at least one cousin, but she wouldn't get to play with him. She would never know about him. And it didn't feel fair. Owen felt this sudden weight in his chest settle in, when for the first time today he realized a baby was going to die today.

"Owen? You're face is doing something…" Derek narrowed his eyes at him tilting his head slightly to the side, as if that would help him figure out what was going on with him.

That was it. "Have you um…" nerves were getting to him and he was growing a little apprehensive about saying the wrong thing. He'd made a promise and he wasn't about to break that trust. "Have you heard from your sister recently?"

Derek frowned, obviously taken aback by the radical and seemingly incoherent change of topic. "Amy?"

"I don't know. The neurosurgeon?" Owen raised his eyebrows, feigning nonchalance, hoping there weren't more than two Shepherd neurosurgeons. "You two operated on the gliosarcoma patient?"

Derek's smile grew broad, his eye brimming with pride and Owen could tell, then and there, that he had not really heard from her lately. Not since she'd been here in Seattle. "Right, Amelia. Yeah, no, I… uh, I've been a little busy. Why?"

Owen shrugged, hoping it would be realistic enough to fool him. "Oh, nothing, just wondering how that patient is doing. I…" _I'm trying to find a believable enough lie to get you to call her._ "I just came across the article you wrote and I couldn't get it out of my head."

There were a couple of seconds where the two just stared at each other, all four eyes narrowed the tiniest bit, desperately trying to either read through the lines or hoping those lines had the desired effect. "I have no idea." Said Derek, never letting his eyes stray from Owen's. "I can find out for you, though."

"Thanks." Owen nodded, feeling like he'd just dodged a bullet. All those years his mom had forced drama class on him were finally paying off. Or maybe he'd just been quick and neutral enough. Whatever it was, it didn't matter, as long as it worked. "Let me know?"

"Sure." Derek just nodded, before walking away, in the direction of the door, keeping a hand on Zola's back. About two feet from the door he stopped in his tracks and turned around. "With all that's going on, you were thinking about my patient?"

 _Or your sister_. "Uh, just curious. Trying to keep my mind off things."

Derek hung his head a little. Guy code or whatever he felt sorry for the man and Owen knew and for this once he wasn't sorry about using it to his own advantage. Because he was convinced he was doing the right thing or at least trying to. Amelia needed Derek and Derek needed to be there, this was Owen's attempt at making that happen, feeble and crappy as it might be, he wished with all he had it would work. "I'll let you know."

Derek walked out, trying his best to stop frowning at the weird turn in their conversation. He stopped by to inform Lexie he was leaving and making a list of things she had to do, basically appointing her head of neuro for the day, there was not a bone in his body that doubted that she was a hundred times better than any idiot Owen would find to substitute him today. On the hospital door threshold he found himself staring at his phone, trying to figure out just how long it had been since he'd heard from Amelia. It coincided exactly with the last time he'd seen her and a strange feeling settled deep into his stomach. She'd just gotten out of rehab – for the second time – and he'd vowed to keep in touch, but then between the new baby and work and life in general, she'd slipped down the list of his priorities. Without a second thought, he hit the call button, knowing he was just overreacting and she was fine and Addison would have called him otherwise. She had when Amy got into rehab, so if she'd relapsed again he would know. The call went straight to voice mail and he didn't think twice about ending it and putting the phone back in his pocket, throwing Zola's bag over his shoulder. Amy was a surgeon, which meant she was in surgery and had her phone off. Or it was her day off and she was somewhere without reception. Or she'd just come off the night shift and her battery died. They were all more than plausible. It was fine. She'd call him back as soon as she'd find the missed call.

The drive home was relatively quiet, barring the stop when Zola threw up all over herself, Derek let her rest and used that precious down time to think. He considered himself a good doctor, a really good one at that and being a good doctor in his opinion was not just about new methods and trials and risky surgeries, it was about the patients, it was about caring, it was ultimately the prime reason he'd got into neurosurgery in the first place – well, amongst other reasons. For the first time in what had to be a few months, a few amounting to four or five, he had not once thought to ask about his miracle patient. _Their_ miracle patient, the one the Shepherd siblings saved. He had absolutely no idea if she was alright, if the tumor recurred, if it had spread already by the time they resected it. As he pulled into the driveway to the house, his focus thankfully shifted to Zola and assessing her symptoms and getting rid of the stinky clothes, making a mental note to find a few spare minutes to make sure the Cayenne had no residual vomit still. It was then that Derek thought of Meredith, for the first time since she left this morning and, once again, felt worry shock through him. Not that he thought she wouldn't pass, but her actually passing the boards meant the possibility of a new life, an amazing job opportunity and everything all new and shiny and happy. That was nice. Just thinking about it was nice. Before he knew it, his fingers were clutching his phone again and he was staring at his call log, staring at Meredith and Amelia's names, as if trying to decide who to call first. His right hemisphere told him – ordered more like – not to contact Meredith unless strictly necessary, her focus needed to be on the boards and only the boards. So, he didn't call her, but he wasn't quick enough to find a valid reason not to call Amelia again.

Voicemail. Again. That must be one hell of a surgery. Between the journey home, the ferryboat ride he took as a detour and the puke stop, it had been over three hours. He could worry, but the last time he'd chosen to worry about Amelia he'd ended up reviving her in the back of an ambulance and that hadn't been all that easy on him either. He trusted Addison enough. There was something new, though, it wasn't just wanting to talk to Amelia, he was now being eaten away by curiosity and he couldn't really resist that. As Zola's cries emitted from the baby monitor he just shrugged, he had more pressing matters than to lose his mind over that.

It was, in fact, late afternoon when those thoughts found free entry in the front of his mind. Zola had kept him thoroughly busy the whole day long cleaning vomit and checking her temperature, while carefully administering liquids had effectively sucked away any kind of energy from him, besides making sure his daughter was clean and comfortable. Derek slumped on the living room couch, enjoying the peace and quiet. The one thing he had not realized yet was that with Meredith and Alex being gone and Lexie stuck at the hospital it was only the two of them at home, which meant he should make the most of that time. At first, he tried napping, but the subtly hidden overprotective father in him didn't allow that; then it was cooking, but without his mother he was useless in the kitchen. Staring off into space seemed to just lead to a strange trance state that wasn't interesting at all. When he passed on to reading, his hand digging in the basket beside the couch for any magazine he could reach, he remembered. Call Mer. Call Amy. This time he tried Meredith first, but as most of his calls today it went straight to voicemail. For a brief second Derek wondered if it was his phone that was somehow broken. At least he knew Meredith had a good excuse not to answer. Rather, he was well aware of Meredith's reason for not answering. Derek shook his head at his phone, he never thought he'd ever get to feel lonely in Seattle, between Meredith and the frat house and Zola and work there was _always_ someone around. So, he called Amelia.

Voicemail again. It hit him only then that Amelia might have changed her number and the one he had was the old one. It made sense considering she'd been involved with who knows how many shady individuals in the process of getting drugs, changing her number was a logical and safe and mature choice and he felt proud of his little sister. In this rush of excitement he called Addison, not wanting to text and then wait for an answer, to get Amelia's new number.

She picked up on the first ring, but he knew immediately he was on speakerphone. "Derek?"

Her voice was weird. Not the kind of _my ex-husband calls me out of the blue_ weird, it was different. Derek couldn't really put his finger on it, but something was definitely off. "Hey Addie."

"Derek I'm in surgery," her voice sounded almost pained now that he had more to go on, guilty and pained. It sounded like drama and he had enough up here, he so didn't need to be involved in that. "Is it an emergency?"

Derek let out a breath. Sure, she was his ex and, while they were amicable, they weren't really friends. When Amy had gone back into rehab she'd called him a few times, he called a few more for updates, and that was the most contact they'd had in years. Never she'd been short with him. Not like this. Not in this way he couldn't quite decipher, something between not wanting to get caught and not wanting to do whatever it was she was doing. "It's just a quick question."

"Well make it quick, then."

His eyebrows twitched at her tone again. She didn't sound like Addison, she sounded like her waspy, unwelcoming mother. "Okay. I was just wondering if Amy changed her number. I've been calling her all day and all I get is voicemail."

He heard shuffling and whispering and there was a point he was almost sure he heard Sam talk, but he would have said something if it'd been him, right? It was messy and confusing and he felt his temper rising a little as time passed. "She must be busy, her number's still the same."

That wasn't helpful. Not at all, really, he had come to that conclusion already on his own. Unless… She'd been open about Amelia's comings and goings up to about a few months ago. They'd stopped calling a little after Amelia had come up to Seattle. The defensiveness and shortness of her tone caused that fastidious feeling in his stomach to move lower down to his gut, right that place where he usually felt it. "I've been calling all day. Her phone's off, is she avoiding me?"

What he heard was a muffled sob and he was sure about it. Derek had been married with this woman for over ten years, he damn well knew what her sobs sounded like. "I'm busy Derek and I'm not her mother," her breath caught in her throat, her voice cracking were all alarms that went off in Derek's head. "Look, I gotta go."

Without waiting for any kind of answer she hung up on him. Derek stared at the phone for a moment, not sure what to do about that call. His big brother spidey senses told him something was going on for sure. Maybe it didn't have anything to do with Amelia, he knew the people down there – at least some of them – and he knew the drama was never ending. Yet he couldn't shake the feeling. That gut feeling that wouldn't let him sleep tonight if he didn't manage to find out just what was going on. There was a little voice inside his head saying that there was a chance, a big, fat one he was blowing up a whole lot of nothing, but with Amelia, nothing was ever nothing.

Derek suddenly realized that Amelia was a doctor and doctors had to be reachable at all times. Anxiously looking for the hospital she worked and dialing the number he impatiently awaited for someone to answer the phone. In a very McDreamy fashion he told the nice nurse that answered that he was Doctor Shepherd's brother and he wasn't able to talk to her and it was an emergency, but just as kindly, the nurse told him she wasn't working today. Dejectedly, Derek offered some excuse about really needing to talk to her, coming short of asking for her pager number. Apparently, his charm worked over the phone as well, because after a longer pause – one that he'd thought was her hanging up on him – she gave in, in a hushed tone.

"I know I shouldn't do this and she requested that no one be given it, but I could give you her room number if you really need her."

Derek frowned. Why would she have Amelia's room number, as in she didn't live with Addie anymore? More than that a nurse wouldn't have Amelia's hotel room number on hand. "Her room number?"

The misunderstanding between the two, luckily for him, went unnoticed by her and she offered more and more information. "Yes, Doctor Montgomery asked that she not be disturbed and visiting hours are almost over, but seen as you are her brother, you must be worried. I can actually connect you right this moment, if you'd prefer."

The room was a hospital room. Amelia was in fact in the hospital, but she wasn't working. He was going to kill Addison for keeping this from him. "No, it's fine. Do you by chance know when she'll be released?"

"Oh, no, sorry Mr. Shepherd. She's in for the night, but you should ask Doctor Reilly about that specifically, I can give you his number, if you'd like." She offered kindly.

Derek shook his head, wracking his brain to think if he knew anyone by the name Reilly, but he came up empty. His heart was beating wildly into his chest and he ached to take the sweet, kind nurse up on her offer to connect him through to Amy right that moment. "No, thank you. I'll try calling her again, wouldn't want to disturb her."


	2. Gone Baby Gone

_As I mentioned before, this story will follow most canon parings and certainly the main ones, so no Addison/Derek or anything like that. In fact, this is probably the last chapter in a reeeeally long while with the pp characters. This is going to be one hundred percent Amelia centric story, you'll notice (I just fixed it, I know it wasn't there before) that every chapter will have the name of the episode it's based on._

 _This story is long, long, super long chapters and there will probably be a bit of time in between updates, but it's coming along. Hope ya like it!_

* * *

 **Gone Baby Gone**

It took Derek another hour, when Zola woke up and he finally had a chance to get a hold of Meredith until, until he spun into action. To add up to this awful day, Meredith sounded strange and uncharacteristically sad and melancholy – he hadn't heard that Meredith in a long time. She went on and on about how she just wanted to come home and snuggle her sick baby and sleep next to him tonight. Her determination to take the boards and pass them at the beginning of the phone call had quickly dissolved into a nostalgic slur that had him later confirm with Cristina that she wasn't soaking drunk before one of the most important days of her life. The more Meredith talked about family, the more Derek's mind shifted continuously to Amelia and how she was pointedly ignoring him – actually, she wasn't even ignoring him, she was plain detached from the real world and Addison seemed not to be worried about it at all. Amelia, who was in the hospital and no one would tell him why. As the wails from upstairs brought him back to real life he walked into Zola's room and stopped for a moment to stare down at his little girl, looking a lot better than before, playing with her foot, dragging it all the way to her face, munching on it.

The next thing he knew he was driving to SeaTac.

He kept looking at the exits passing by to turn around and go back home, every single time he glanced back at Zola, who was calmly looking out the window at the passing trees and mountains, he realized he was dragging his sick baby girl all the way to another state on a hunch. Of course, over the years he'd learned to trust his gut feeling and especially trust his gut feeling where Amy was concerned, knowing there was no way to know with her until he actually did know, preferably when she was the one doing the talking. He realized this must look completely crazy and if Meredith knew she'd tear him a new one, but he just couldn't shake the dread that had taken to settling deep inside him ever since Owen had mentioned Amelia in his office that morning. All things considered, his first solo flight with Zola went remarkably well. Her shunt held and the pressure changes didn't bother her as much as he thought they would – not like it was her first flight, but he liked to think having him close by instead of a social worker helped.

Half way through the flight, when Zola fell asleep in his arms, slightly overwhelmed by the overly entertaining afternoon they were having, Derek sighed and leaned back in his seat, holding her close to his chest. Maybe Amelia had just tripped and hurt herself, maybe he was blowing this out of proportion. When he'd last seen her he clearly remembered them both wanting to make an effort to keep in touch and she'd genuinely looked a lot better, more like herself or, really, a more mature and grown up version of herself. Maybe she didn't want to worry him if it was nothing. The nurse had said she was in at least for the night, which in his doctor experience meant it couldn't be anything too bad. A car accident or a bad case of the flu were viable enough options.

If he ended up looking like the overprotective idiot Zola was turning him into, he'd make some excuse about taking the trip to pick up Meredith from San Francisco the day after, surprising her after her big day. That sounded plausible and Derek was proud of himself.

The trip in the rental car was fun and he let the roof of the convertible Mustang open, which Zola enjoyed enough in the warmer California weather. He parked the car in the hospital lot and he sat in the driver seat a couple of minutes composing himself. He'd just dragged baby Zola all the way down to LA because he was having busy big brother guilt and he had this unexplainable feeling he needed to be here. He wasn't even Amelia's twin, far from it, yet some times he'd just feel like it. Their sisters had mockingly called them the far away twins – all three jealous of them for being the only two to inherit their father's piercing blue eyes and perfect hair, but mostly jealous for the way they just seemed connected. It wasn't unreasonable after what they had gone through. That meant he was now supposed to get his crap together walk in there and see that Amelia had just tripped and banged her head on a coffee table or cut herself on a broken piece of glass or had pneumonia or had fainted because she'd forgotten to eat before surgery. After that, he'd give her a hug and the complimentary scold for being careless or, well, just unlucky, she'd get to meet Zola – although maybe from far away, not wanting the two to mix germs.

Maybe he'd take Zola to the zoo tomorrow, or at the beach to look for shells and wet her feet in an ocean that wasn't freezing cold. That was a good plan.

Walking in to the front desk he, despite the few hours gap, found the same really nice nurse he'd talked to on the phone sitting there. Before he even opened his mouth she smiled brightly at him. "Mister Shepherd!" when the evident surprise on his face became obvious, she smiled again. "Oh, you look just like our Doctor Shepherd."

"Thank you, I guess. And thank you for before, you were most helpful." Oh, the McDreamy smile, if Meredith knew he was using it to charm his way into something like this she'd be furious. He shouldn't have to, but he was well aware that unless Amelia was unconscious he was no right to be told anything she didn't want him to know and he didn't want to blow his chances at seeing her, not after flying over from another state because he had a bad feeling. Now, that sounded just plain stupid. "I was wondering if you could tell me where I can find her?"

The nurse, eyeing briefly the sleepy baby on his shoulder, shifted uncomfortably. "I… can't. I'm under strict orders from Doctor Montgomery not to tell anyone. I'm so sorry."

Derek sighed. His charm worked better on the phone. "Well, that is fortunate, see I was married to Doctor Montgomery." Ignoring the nurses shocked look, he went on. "I think it would be okay, really."

Reluctantly she gave him floor and room number with the promise that he'd check in with either Doctor Montgomery or Doctor Reilly before barreling in, insisting that visiting hours were over. Derek walked away fast enough, not wanting to press his luck and got into the elevator checking the floor on the chart hanging next to the panel. It wasn't the ICU or anything that worried him especially, like psych or oncology, but it wasn't especially clear where he was heading. As he got off on his floor he looked around with a slight frown – no matter how long he'd worked in hospitals for, a new one would always feel like a maze. Making his way through the halls he finally found the right one.

He walked down the darker hall, not even bothering to check the room numbers as he was passing by, knowing he was in the right place. Addison was slumped in one of the chairs against a wall, head in her hands, unusually messy and emotional. Quietly Derek approached her, sitting in the chair next to her, not wanting to startle her. Despite his best efforts she jumped up, and her face crumbled as she took in his face.

"Derek?" she squeaked out. "What are you doing here?"

He smiled soothingly, not intent on upsetting her further or dealing with upsetting her further. "I… I came for Amy."

Addison frowned, a worried and slightly haunted look gracing her face. "Why?"

Taking a calming couple of breaths, as he was getting increasingly worried about his sister as his stay in LA continued, he smiled. "I know she's here. _In_ here. As a patient."

"God," Addison breathed, shaking her head, turning away to look down at her lap as new tears began to form in her eyes. Pressing her hand on her eyes, she willed them to stop, she wanted to be in control because now that Derek was here, she needed to be. For Amelia. And for him as well.

Derek let her pause, let her compose herself. Being married for over ten years meant he knew what was going on – with her at least. Addison Forbes Montgomery was not to be seen unless she was perfectly put together and in charge of herself. This version of her he'd seen so seldom during their marriage it might as well be another Addison altogether. "Addie, what is going on?"

She looked up, slowly and carefully, not wanting to break down, not in the hospital hallway and not before Derek. She'd broken down enough today and she needed to keep it together.

"Why is Amy here?" he asked in a small voice, tentative and meant to mask the underlying fear in his words. "Why is she in here?"

Addison swallowed, blinking rapidly to get rid of the tears. "It's complicated. But she's okay, she's going to be okay."

Derek nodded, relieved, but not satisfied with her answer. "You should have called me."

Addison nodded. She knew he wasn't accusing her, she knew he wasn't holding any of this against her, not when she'd stood by his little sister – their little sister when he couldn't bring himself to, more than once. He owed her for being stronger than him. "I promised her I wouldn't. Don't… god, Derek, don't be mad at her, but she didn't want you to know. You or your mother, anyone really. It's not about you."

"Okay." He nodded. "Can I see her?"

She hesitated. Addison didn't even try to hide it, she faltered, not able to answer him instantly. A part of her was immensely glad for whatever force brought him down here, but all the same, Amelia was fragile enough right now, she shouldn't have to deal with his surprise visit, as beneficial as she believed it would be for her to lean on her brother. "Derek… I don't know. She didn't want to see anyone. I should ask her-"

"Addie, it's Amy." He said, his voice growing thick and watery, as his chest tightened hearing Addison's voice. The fact that Amelia was going to be fine, according to her, had only in part placated his worry. "She's my sister, how am I not allowed to see her?"

His voice broke her heart. For the first time since she'd met him, he was actually letting it show. She hadn't been around at the time, but she knew that when he'd revived her as a teenager, Derek had always tried to put a damp on his feelings for little Hurricane Amelia. Today he must have sensed it was different. She had. Addison leaned back in her chair, breathing a little easier. For the first time since he'd sat down next to her, she noticed the lump on his chest. "Who's this?"

Derek smiled, with glassy eyes, clearing his watering throat. "This," he shifted the waking girl. "Is Zola. My daughter."

The big smile on Addison's face dissolved in seconds as her eyes grew teary once more. "It's nice to meet you, Zola." She said to the baby, stroking one of her chubby little hands. Then she looked up at Derek. "You look happy."

He nodded without a seconds pause. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Addison nodded knowingly. "I know. I have a son. Henry. He's about five months old."

Derek smiled contentedly, feeling a little lighter and taking a moment to shake his head at the funny joke that destiny was. He and Addie ended up adopting babies both. He could see it on her face, that look matched Meredith's when she talked about Zola. It was the same exact look, she looked like a mother. It suited her, he'd never really thought about it, but motherhood looked good on her.

"You should go see Amelia." Addison looked at Zola, running her hand on her little arm. "But you can't go in with her. I can look after her for you. I'm not working. Just… be supportive. Be there for her, that's all she really needs right now."

Derek frowned at Addison, she wasn't one to bend so easily, but he wasn't about to question it. Even though a little reluctantly, Derek handed Zola over to Addison, never taking his eyes off of her. He wasn't too thrilled with having to leave Zola behind, but knowing her with Addison made it a little easier. He stood, breathing in courage and patience, not knowing what was in Amelia's room and, after a quick glance at Zola who was happily lounging on Addie's lap, he followed her nod and opened the door in front of them as quietly as he could.

The lights were out except for a small on in a corner of the room, it was dark out and the dim atmosphere in the room settled heavy on him. Amelia was curled in the hospital bed, talking quietly with the man sitting in the chair up next to her bed. Derek didn't recognize him, he had no idea who that was. They hadn't noticed him and he felt suddenly out of place. Suddenly, the need to know what was going on, the worry washing over him stilled. His heart was beating rapidly as he looked somewhere, anywhere for the courage to make himself noticed to them. He closed the door behind his back, not as quietly as he'd opened it, hoping it would be enough.

Amelia looked up, the eyes of the man sitting next to her following. Her eyes were red, swollen, puffy, she'd been crying a lot and Derek swallowed, not that convinced to want to know everything anymore. Her eyes widened in surprise, shock and pain, it was definitely the rawest kind of sorrow he saw swimming in her blue eyes. "Derek?"

"Amy." He breathed out, not sure what to say.

Amelia sat up, slowly and awkwardly in the bed, growing anxious and fidgety in his eyes. "What are you doing here?" she asked – she accused, more like. He hadn't been expecting to show up and be welcomed with open arms, but this was an even less of a welcome than he'd envisioned. "Who called you? Was it Addie? I told her not to call you, I told her not to tell anybody, I told everyone not to tell anybody, I… I don't want you here, I don't want anyone here, I-"

"Amelia." The man next to her put a hand on her arm, stopping her rant, forcing her to take a breath and calm down. "Who are you?"

Derek felt a little affronted at the questions, feeling like that man was questioning his right to be there. "Derek Shepherd."

That seemed to be enough. He nodded. "I'm Sheldon Wallace, I work at the practice."

The atmosphere relaxed, for the two men at least. Derek eyed the shorter man suspiciously, his presence had a calming and steadying effect and he was almost positive – after hanging around Kate for so long – that he was a shrink. Something that begged the question of why he was sitting at Amelia's beside. It wouldn't be a shock to know that she had been hospitalized because she was in need of that kind of support, but, Derek's mind quickly provided the rest of the information he had, her Doctor was names something Reilly and the nurse had referred Addison as another one of her doctors. The room was dark and Amelia was avoiding his eyes, her body curling into itself trying to make herself as small as humanly possible. While he stood in the middle of her room, rooted on his own two feet, mouth hanging slightly open, the other man stood and kissed her forehead gently. "I'll be right outside, okay?"

"No," Amelia shook her head, feeling her eyes tear up again. "Don't leave. Please, don't leave."

Derek was still awkwardly standing there, not sure if he should do anything, anything more than just be there. Sheldon smiled at Amelia, sweetly caressing her cheek as her lower lip trembled vulnerably. "I'll be right out, I promise."

Before she could say anything else, likely beg him to stay enough that he would eventually cave, Sheldon walked to where Derek was standing, eyeing him for a moment as if he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Derek was still confusedly trying to figure out just what the hell was going on in here, and he was maybe trying to give him a heads up on what to say or not to say or something like that. Maybe. Sheldon gave up on that anyway. In fact, he just put a hand on his shoulder, offering a sympathetic smile and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Derek looked straight ahead at Amelia, who was looking down at her hands on top of the bundled blankets around her. Tentatively, he walked to the stool Sheldon had vacated moments earlier and sat down. For the longest time they just sat there in silence.

"I'm sorry." Derek said softly, staring down at her hands as well. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm not… I'm not even sure why I'm here." He smiled, finding to courage to look up at her, finding she was looking at him as well. She looked different from when he'd last seen her a few months ago, he couldn't quite put his finger on it, but this wasn't the Amelia he'd always known. She looked older. Not physically, it was in her eyes, that look she gave him, the way they moved, they weren't the sparkly, volatile blue eyes he remembered.

Amelia bit her lip, looking down once more before turning back up to him. "Addie called you?"

With a chuckle Derek shook his head. "No, I did this all on my own. I met her in the hallway, though, before coming in. I think she tried to make me feel better, but I guess it didn't really work." He wrung his hands for effect. "I'm still worried."

"Okay." Amelia resumed her staring from before and Derek finally saw that it wasn't just about averting his gaze, there was something going on with her. Something his infamous gut feeling told him was bad.

He was right here in front of her, it wasn't like when he'd been at home or on the plane or in the parking lot. She was here, he could see Amy with his own two eyes and he'd been assure she was going to be fine, yet he didn't feel relieved in the least. "Amy," he reached over to her hands, startling her out of the trance she was in. "Amy, what happened?"

Amelia looked at him, stared into his eyes almost as if testing if telepathy worked. He could see her biting the insides of her cheeks, a nasty habit she'd always had, a tell tale sign that whatever was going on was big, way too big. Her eyes kept shifting from him, to her hands, back to him, to some place in her room and her lips twitched from time to time wanting to say something and stopping just before she actually did. Derek knew all the signs and despite Addison's words he was worried. Amelia was fidgety and fidgety Amelia meant guilty and pained Amelia and that was never good, never ever. However, it wasn't until she stretched her legs in front of her that he felt his heart drop in his chest. "You're pregnant?"

It had not been her intention to show him. Not that there was anything to show anymore but her over expanded uterus and some excess skin that would disappear over the next few weeks. She had never had to hide the pregnancy and even now that there was nothing to hide, she'd completely forgotten that the bump would still be there. Quickly, she put her hands on it, trying desperately to cover it up, to find a way – any way – not to have to tell him about her son. About his nephew. She looked away, not able to stand the look in his eyes, confusion melting into excitement and happiness with a touch of concern in the mix. She couldn't stand it.

Derek was confused by her reaction. How detached she looked, how… unhappy she looked. Hoping to be supportive like Addison had told him, he reached over, grasping one of her hands in his, getting her to turn to him and finally seeing the watery, dazed look in her eyes. "Amy."

"I'm not pregnant anymore, Derek." She said emotionlessly, avoiding his gaze, but holding onto his hand.

He frowned, not sure what the implications of that phrase were in this particular context and not all that sure he wanted to find out, after all. Remembering that he was supposed to be big brother Derek in here, he looked at her with a smile. "You had a baby?" After a pause, a pause that made his insides twist painfully, Amelia nodded her head. The simplest motion, just barely enough that he would know. "Amy, you had a baby?"

Amelia could hear Derek's growing excitement in his voice, the hold on her hand tightening, she could sense his smile even without looking at him directly. This was part of the reason she'd decided not to tell him, or her mother or sisters. They were all happy and bright and smiley and Amelia was not. Today even more so than usual. "Yeah," she breathed out, letting him enjoy the notion before he'd have to carry the burden as well. She owed him that much. "He was born just after lunch today."

In a blur, Derek stood from the stool and wrapped his arms around his sister, engulfing her in a warm and comfortable bear hug. Amelia had unexpectedly been craving this hug since she'd found out she was pregnant. He was hugging her on behalf of their mother and father and sisters and nieces and nephew. It was a hug she got many times before, but it never felt as cold as it did today.

"You had a boy?" he asked without pulling back and Amelia just nodded against him, feeling her resolve dissipating like smoke as her vision blurred and her nose hitched. "I'm so, so happy for you Amy, god, this is amazing."

She thought he might be.

Then he froze. Derek remembered all the secrecy and watery eyes and gloomy looks of the day and quickly sobered up. Amelia was smiling, but it wasn't the smile of someone who just had a baby. Even if a little dimmed, Addison's smile when she talked about her son shined brighter than Amelia's. His gut turned. It was a reality check, it was his instinct – the same instinct that had made him jump on a plane earlier – reminding him why he was here. "Amy," he was the one that looked away now, hands still tightly clasped, but something told Derek he wasn't going to like what was going on. "Where is he now?"

Still biting the soft flesh of her cheek, Amelia breathed deeply, knowing she'd have plenty of time to break down later. "He's gone."

"Gone?" Derek echoed confused. The guilty look on Amelia's face was something that had confused hi since the second he'd set foot in the room and now it did things to him. It made his mind go places he'd hate himself for, later on. This was his sister, his little sister, but as that was true, Derek couldn't help some of those thoughts. "He's gone where?" his tone was confused, but Amelia could hear the voice of a parent scolding their child – typical Derek versus Amelia, just now wasn't the best time to resume those habits. "He's gone… like to another family. Did you give him away, Amy? Did you give him up for adoption?"

"No, Derek-"

"How could you?" he breathed, hurt, looking incredibly hurt by his assumption. "You didn't even tell us you were pregnant, Amy, you're not sixteen anymore. We could have been there for you, we could have helped, we could have kept him…"

Amelia wasn't sure who we was, it sounded like Derek was dragging into his tirade everyone he could possibly think of, including the sister-in-law she'd seen the one time and never again. It sounded nice that so many people would have been there for her, but she had just as many over here in LA, people that had decided to stay no matter how hard she pushed them away. People that stuck with her through thick and thin and still Amelia felt so alone. On a good day she realized she wanted her father to be there, she knew that wasn't possible, yet after over twenty years of wishing, she never seemed able to stop. Recently, she wanted Ryan. Especially today, she'd wanted Ryan to be by her side. He should have seen his son and he should have been there with her. "Derek he died."

As his rambling halted suddenly, his face fell. She'd had enough time to get used to the idea that she was never going to walk out of the hospital with her baby, that he wouldn't have birthdays and playdates – she had made her peace with that, tried at least. "He's dead. He's not here anymore."

"What?" his voice was barely above a whisper and the bewildered look in his eyes looked a lot like the one she'd seen in the mirror every morning for the last few months.

Amelia nodded, taking his hand in both of hers. "My baby died, that's why he's gone."

As the news still hadn't sunk in fully, Derek shook his head, denial taking control of his thoughts. "How?"

Swallowing thickly, Amelia looked away. As a brain doctor he knew what happened to her baby in the tiniest detail and it would take one word for everything to click. She'd stopped finding it ironic a couple of weeks ago – that a neurosurgeon could have a baby with no brain – when one afternoon she walked to the park, hoping to get away from the pitiful glances and awkward small talk. There were kids running around everywhere, parents desperately trying to keep track, toddlers eating sand and older kids pushing each other off the slide or the monkey bars. She would never have that, her son would never have that. Because of this cruel twist her son wasn't even really her son. He didn't have the parts that made him his own person. Amelia some days went through the day convincing herself she was carrying a bunch of functioning organs. That was all it was in the end.

"Anencephaly." She whispered, unable to stop the images of her son – her son that looked absolutely nothing like her – laying in her arms, sleeping. "My baby didn't have a brain."

"Where is the father?" his tone wasn't judgmental or condescending, he didn't sound like he was about to punch someone – not that he'd have that chance.

"Dead."

Derek shook his head. "God, Amy."

She knew what he meant and a big part of her was glad he didn't bother to elaborate further. Amelia knew what he was feeling and he knew she knew it as well and that was enough. After taking a few deep breaths Derek slid his hand next to her on the bed, looking up at her, asking for permission. With a gentle nod, Amelia scooted to the other side, wincing as pain flared through her body. Pushing the thought to the back of her mind she let him climb up next to her.

As soon as he could Derek wrapped his arms around her, just like he did when they were kids and dad wasn't there anymore to chase away the monsters. He would hold her tight, sometimes tight enough that it hurt, but Amelia felt safe like that. The second her head was buried in his chest she couldn't hold the tears in anymore. Amelia let herself break down where she felt safest, where she knew nothing bad could ever happen to her. She'd have to find out later how he'd decided to come down here.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Amy." He stroked her head with his hand, rubbing the other up and down her back hoping it would bring some comfort. It likely wouldn't, but he had no idea what to do. The tears turned into sobs, and before he knew it tear were sliding down his cheeks as well. He couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of pain Amelia was in right now and he had no desire to even try to quantify it, not when his daughter was right out in the hall with Addison. He was a doctor, he saw children die almost everyday and he saw parents lose children just as often, but the concept that he could lose his own child felt so blissfully foreign, Derek never even bothered to focus on it for too long.

Bad things never happen to the people that we love, bad things are just that, bad, unlucky things that we hear about in the news, that we see in movies and read in books, until they hit a little too close to home. Derek had four sisters and a flock of nieces and nephews and not one thing had ever gone so wrong. Not to anybody past their dad, and even then, he figured, that had to be enough crap to last the a lifetime. It seemed, though, for Amy it never really stopped. Knowing what he was seeing and feeling was probably the tip of the iceberg of what was going on inside of her, he couldn't let go. There was not one thing he could do to make it better but hold on for dear life, hoping it would be even close to comfort. Derek just held onto his little sister never wanting to let her go, feeling like he'd failed her in the worst possible way. Years and years ago he'd distanced himself, not wanting to suffer anymore because of her own pain – he couldn't even fathom little Amy, little innocent Amy, being in the amount of pain she'd been growing up, but this was something else.

This was not something he'd wish on his worst enemy and yet one of the most important people in his life, one of the people he cared most for in this world, was being torn in half, destroyed by something even he didn't understand.

When the sobs started to die down and her breathing went back to hiccups and sniffles, Derek eased his grip on her, caressing her hair like he used to do when they were little. "I'm right here, okay?" he whispered next to her temple, lips brushing her skin.

Amelia just nodded and they both knew he should probably avoid apologizing on behalf of a god that neither believed in or ask her how she was feeling, both statements were useless and this was good enough. For the first time since she'd held the pregnancy test in her office, Amelia felt safe. She felt at home and she hadn't felt like that in such a long time. The feeling was powerful enough that it blocked out a little of the darkness from the last few months.

"I love you Amy."

She smiled, burying her head against his shoulder. "I know."

Derek ruffled her hair gently and suddenly she was five years old again, she believed her dad lived on a cloud and that was enough. That was okay. She didn't know pain and she didn't know death. But she wasn't really little Amy anymore. If there was someone who knew pain and loss and death it was her and Derek hated himself for it. He'd promised. He'd promised their dad he'd take care of her and today her son died. His nephew died today. "I wish I could have met him."

Amelia stilled in his arms and Derek froze knowing it was a long shot that she'd be okay hearing the words, but he needed to say them. For his sake mostly. "He looked just like his father."

"Well, that's a relief." Derek breathed, earning himself a confused glance. "I mean, at least he took after the better looking parent."

Amelia was taken aback by his words, his tone had gone from tentative to extremely serious and she was about to tear him apart. Then she saw the smile he was trying to hide. "Jerk." She elbowed his where she could reach, letting her own smile grace her cheeks, making her brother's smile even wider. "I hope if you ever have kids they won't look anything like you. It would be for the best, you know, survival of the fittest and all that – I mean, who'd even want that face on their kid?"

Derek's eyebrows shot up and he turned around in bed. "Oh, who indeed. I'll have you know, young lady, that you look just like me – to our dearest sisters' dismay."

Enjoying the momentary levity Amelia let herself smile, leaning down on the bed, feeling her body protest at such brave movements after the strain she'd put it through earlier. Derek seemed to notice and he immediately pulled away, looking at her with his big brother concerned eyes. "Everything okay?"

Amelia bit her lip, looking down for a moment at her still round belly, before looking back up. "I pushed a baby out of my body today. It wasn't exactly a walk in the park. Addie says I should be out tomorrow at the latest, though."

He nodded and he felt a jolt of panic run through him. Derek felt like she was slipping away and at first he couldn't tell why. She was right here, she was closer than she'd been in almost ten years and yet he felt like he was losing her all over again. Grasping her hand in his, he turned up to her, opening his mouth before his brain had a chance to scan his thoughts. "Come home with me." Amelia's eyes narrowed suspiciously, eyebrows rising. "Really, Amy, come home with me, to Seattle."

"Derek I live here." Amelia shook her head, not entirely sure what was going on right then.

Derek, though, didn't relent. He sat up in bed, propping her hand on his knee, keeping a firm hold on it. "Come stay with me for a while. It will do you good, change of scenery and everything. Plus, you get to hang out with me."

After she smacked him, keeping his ginormous head at a reasonable size, she shook her head again. "I have people here, I have family, I can't… I can't just leave."

"Oh, not forever. I meant…" he scratched his head, hoping for the right words to come to him in that precise second. "Just for, I don't know, a few days, a couple weeks. Just to take a break. You can take some time for yourself. Nobody knows you up there, you can take a break from yourself and you can live with me."

When Amelia didn't seem at all convinced he insisted. "Please. I have a trailer in the woods, you can stay there, away from everyone, if that's what you want or you can stay at the house with me, Meredith, Alex and Lexie or you can hide out in Canada with the bears or…"

"Okay, okay, I get it." Amelia stopped his rant before he went overboard with suggestions.

"Okay?"

It wasn't that easy though. "Derek, I don't know where to go from here. Today is really not the day I should make anymore decisions, I just… I just need a little time."

Amelia had not realized she'd used his exact words, but Derek had. "That's what I mean. Think of it as a hideout." He held her gaze and she his, but he knew this wasn't enough. It would never be enough just like this. Amelia knew how to hideout in Brooklyn in a house full of people, he should have known it would take more than that to take her away with him. "Do it for me. I miss you and I want to be there for you."

Chewing on her bottom lip, Amelia sighed, as appealing as Derek's offer sounded, she really shouldn't have done anything rush that day. "What about Meredith? Won't she be annoyed about me moving in suddenly? Besides do you even have space for me?"

"Meredith likes taking in strays, Lexie is her sister and Alex is like a brother to her and -" he smiled cupping her cheeks in the annoying manner relatives do at Christmas. "Of course I have space for you, there's plenty of space."

Amelia extracted herself from his hold and looked at him sternly. "It's just for a few days, okay?"

* * *

 _If you're wondering about how Derek conveniently forgot to mention Zola or how he was insisting on kicking out the strays and how Amelia still has no idea how he just showed up in the right place at the right time, you should wait. I haven't forgotten about all of that._


End file.
